The War On Terror Is a Resounding Success

The war on terror is a resounding success. We've had no terrorist attacks here since 9-11, that day when the evil terrorists knew that the laws of physics would relax and just mere fires would cause buildings to collapse at free-fall speed into a cloud of dust into their own foot prints, which on any other day would've been the path of most resistance. (Good thing only three buildings caught fire that day.) Also since 9-11, because of our increased security, and the fact that we're keeping terrorists on the run throughout the world, we've kept the sun safe to rise every day.

A big shoutout to the anti-war protestors: thank you so much for not mentioning zionism in your protests... a special shoutout to Peace Action Milwaukee for this. We know you had one troublesome protestor. We shouldn't be disparaging our best friend in the Middle East. 9-11 just proved that Israel's enemies are also America's enemies. We have the same enemies! They hate us for our freedoms. Some people just hate democracy and freedom. We just have to talk to them. No war. We have to talk to them and convince them that democracy and freedom are good. If they'd all have a democracy like Israel, they could be our friends too. Oh, and if they want to have a good democracy they shouldn't entertain crazy 9-11 conspiracy theories or question the holocaust. And of course, stop all that talk about Israel being Jewish apartheid. Besides, it's Jewish apartheid, which is a good thing, which you'd understand if you read the Talmud.